So here we begin another season of X Factor, so another season of brainwashing nonsense. But hang on, it has caused some controversy. Can this be true? Two of my Room 101s have come together to create a complete and utter farce really.
Now, don't get me wrong, the X Factor is a show I frequently ignore and really want nothing to do with. Even with being a big Paul McCartney fan, I still didn't watch it when he appeared on it. But then this morning, to my amusement, there was the news headline "X Factor accused of doctoring singing voices". But I had to take a look. Sour grapes, some might say. Until, that is, a spokesman for the TV "show" admitted that the vocals for particular contestants have been enhanced to make the "singing sound better". So, what we are being told is basically the producers of the show are using Autotune. Which is a cop out way of covering up the fact that some of the people in this corporate conveyor belt of so-called talent cannot actually sing. They are then told that they are through to the next round because they are "really talented". Which clearly they are not because their own singing voices have been enhanced with electronics to make it palatable. And that voice that has caused the controversy is quite clearly synthesized.
I'm still not sure what annoys me more. The X Factor? The smug arsehole Simon Cowell? Or is it the fact that it has sunk to an all new low that we are literally listening to robots singing. Singing is a talent in its own right. It's an art form, whether you are pitch perfect or not quite. But using Autotune at a live concert, or even on a TV talent show that relies on people singing, has rendered both outputs pretty much useless. It certainly cannot be classed as a truly live performance. There are plenty of vocalists out there that can't hold a note particularly well or there are those that don't have a particularly good intonation. Bob Dylan couldn't sing for toffee. Johnny Cash is another that wasn't particularly tuneful. But both thankfully did not feel the need to hide behind bloody Autotune. True, Johnny Cash is sadly no longer with us, but Dylan still is and is still touring and going strong without the use of enhancements. But in any case, they had more than just singing. They had emotion, charisma and the knack to pen a good tune and a good set of lyrics as well. I use those two examples as Simon Cow Bell decreed that neither Johnny Cash nor Bob Dylan would ever make it past audition stages of X Factor. Which is fine because I'd rather watch five hours of the legendary Johnny Cash (who had the so-called X Factor long before Simon Cow Bell was a twinkle in his dad's eye) than an hour of electronically enhanced, charisma-free conveyor belt twaddle, who excepting a select few, have done nothing since winning. So when you are queueing to electronically download the Christmas number 1 contender, remember the singing may be done by a robot and it will be as electronic as your download. So go buy something else.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and everyone has different views as to what entertainment is, and mine certainly isn't watching a TV talent show selling live singing that is in actual fact only slightly live with electronic enhancements. Some people like it, which is fine. Just don't include me in it. I'm just happy that in these times there is some light relief - rock legends Iron Maiden topping the album charts with their latest album The Final Frontier. Bruce Dickinson, a singing force to be reckoned with and not an Autotune gizmo in sight! Bliss.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Beetle Drive
Today of all days I have had the task of driving a "new" shape Volkswagen Beetle home with the idea of delivering it to another dealership tomorrow morning. As the main roads were pretty crammed I thought I'd take the country roads and through the villages then back on to main roads and make a mini road test out of it. This would put it through its paces a bit.
So, the road test begins. Or rather it doesn't because the car will not start, so out with the jump back and its engine bursts, if that is the phrase, into life. The first thing that strikes me is the door. Because I hit my head on it, but that is another story. No, the thing that strikes me is the shape of the car which is one of those marmite love-it-or-hate-it shapes. To me it's like marmite, and I hate marmite. The shape, naturally, is reminiscent of the the old Beetle, which means it looks like it was designed by a 6 year old with some crayons.
Now, the old Beetle is famous for two reasons. Never actually being named "Beetle" by Volkswagen and being designed by Hitler. The newer one is famous for actually being named "Beetle" by Volkswagen and not being designed by Hitler. So we have one plus point already, but hang on a second. Not being designed by Hitler does not make this a good car. The original VW Type 1 (the correct name for Beetle) was designed as the People's Car (which translates into German as Volks Wagen). The current shape is nothing more than a rebodied Golf, but with an over-inflated price tag. It certainly isn't a "People's Car" per say. More fashion accessory, but one that went out of date quite some time ago.
So, the exterior is childlike at best and ugly at worst. So what is the interior like? Well, this particular model of Beetle has leather seats which you can find a comfortable driving position in quite easily. But comfort in the rear is severely compromised due to the sloping roof. The only way to travel in comfort in the back of a Beetle is to cut your head off. The dashboard itself is the size of a small country and appears to be made out of the same plastics they use to make DVD cases, only less robust. What does surprise me is that with the huge expanse of dashboard, the buttons are scattered all over the place. Two of which are on the door, they operate electric motors that open the fuel filler and the tailgate. I'm used to Italian cars so finding switches underneath the seat, behind the sun visor and outside on the number plates are no problem to me, I just kind of expected a little bit more ergonomic sense from the Germans. The world-renowned German sense of humour is present though, with a dashboard mounted vase and flower aimed at those those "Peace and Love" hippies out there. However, in reality those people now drive a Prius.
The steering wheel, though, is in the correct place. Which is strange because it has absolutely no say in the direction of travel. Really, you can expect more communication from BT than from the Beetle's steering set up. The ride is good, with soft damping but ultimately this set up borders on soggy and compromises the handling as a result. At best, this is a rather ordinary handling car. Having said that, it is to be expected as it uses a bog standard Mark 4 Golf chassis, which even as a GTI the dynamics were as sharp as blu tack. I'm led to believe that the convertible is even worse, so please never insist I drive one of those. Please. I'm too vulnerable to be called a tosser and actually hear it with the roof down.
The drivetrain, like the chassis is pure Mk4 Golf. This means means unlike the old Beetle, the engine is, for once in the correct place and not out at the back. It's a 2 litre 8 valve unit which is a bit of a lazy sod really. I mean it's got the performance (just about), it's just so leisurely in the way it gets there. It's coupled to a rather clunky, baulky 5 speed manual gearbox which inspires gear changes like S Club 7 inspire Bob Dylan. Which is a little bit of a sorry state of affairs when you consider the gearbox is better than the brakes, which take a 5 working days to bring you to a stop. Which it did in my drive way eventually.
So, to tally up the scores:
Styling: 1/20
Performance: 9/20
Handling 6/20
Ride: 9/20
Comfort: 9/20
So out of a possible 100, the Beetle scores 34. Oh dear. So, would I ever own a new shape Beetle? Work out the maths yourself. What's more, the horror stories over the lack of reliability (remember these are Mexican and Brazilian built VWs, not built in Germany), electrical problems, brake and transmission problems and general poor build quality, coupled to that styling and the well below par driving experience sum up a car that's best avoided at all costs. Save your money and buy a Fabia instead. They're better looking, more practical, better to drive, fantastic value and far more reliable. Ironically, the only current "Volks Wagen" in the Volkswagen Group's lineup is made not by VW themselves, but by Skoda.
So, the road test begins. Or rather it doesn't because the car will not start, so out with the jump back and its engine bursts, if that is the phrase, into life. The first thing that strikes me is the door. Because I hit my head on it, but that is another story. No, the thing that strikes me is the shape of the car which is one of those marmite love-it-or-hate-it shapes. To me it's like marmite, and I hate marmite. The shape, naturally, is reminiscent of the the old Beetle, which means it looks like it was designed by a 6 year old with some crayons.
Now, the old Beetle is famous for two reasons. Never actually being named "Beetle" by Volkswagen and being designed by Hitler. The newer one is famous for actually being named "Beetle" by Volkswagen and not being designed by Hitler. So we have one plus point already, but hang on a second. Not being designed by Hitler does not make this a good car. The original VW Type 1 (the correct name for Beetle) was designed as the People's Car (which translates into German as Volks Wagen). The current shape is nothing more than a rebodied Golf, but with an over-inflated price tag. It certainly isn't a "People's Car" per say. More fashion accessory, but one that went out of date quite some time ago.
So, the exterior is childlike at best and ugly at worst. So what is the interior like? Well, this particular model of Beetle has leather seats which you can find a comfortable driving position in quite easily. But comfort in the rear is severely compromised due to the sloping roof. The only way to travel in comfort in the back of a Beetle is to cut your head off. The dashboard itself is the size of a small country and appears to be made out of the same plastics they use to make DVD cases, only less robust. What does surprise me is that with the huge expanse of dashboard, the buttons are scattered all over the place. Two of which are on the door, they operate electric motors that open the fuel filler and the tailgate. I'm used to Italian cars so finding switches underneath the seat, behind the sun visor and outside on the number plates are no problem to me, I just kind of expected a little bit more ergonomic sense from the Germans. The world-renowned German sense of humour is present though, with a dashboard mounted vase and flower aimed at those those "Peace and Love" hippies out there. However, in reality those people now drive a Prius.
The steering wheel, though, is in the correct place. Which is strange because it has absolutely no say in the direction of travel. Really, you can expect more communication from BT than from the Beetle's steering set up. The ride is good, with soft damping but ultimately this set up borders on soggy and compromises the handling as a result. At best, this is a rather ordinary handling car. Having said that, it is to be expected as it uses a bog standard Mark 4 Golf chassis, which even as a GTI the dynamics were as sharp as blu tack. I'm led to believe that the convertible is even worse, so please never insist I drive one of those. Please. I'm too vulnerable to be called a tosser and actually hear it with the roof down.
The drivetrain, like the chassis is pure Mk4 Golf. This means means unlike the old Beetle, the engine is, for once in the correct place and not out at the back. It's a 2 litre 8 valve unit which is a bit of a lazy sod really. I mean it's got the performance (just about), it's just so leisurely in the way it gets there. It's coupled to a rather clunky, baulky 5 speed manual gearbox which inspires gear changes like S Club 7 inspire Bob Dylan. Which is a little bit of a sorry state of affairs when you consider the gearbox is better than the brakes, which take a 5 working days to bring you to a stop. Which it did in my drive way eventually.
So, to tally up the scores:
Styling: 1/20
Performance: 9/20
Handling 6/20
Ride: 9/20
Comfort: 9/20
So out of a possible 100, the Beetle scores 34. Oh dear. So, would I ever own a new shape Beetle? Work out the maths yourself. What's more, the horror stories over the lack of reliability (remember these are Mexican and Brazilian built VWs, not built in Germany), electrical problems, brake and transmission problems and general poor build quality, coupled to that styling and the well below par driving experience sum up a car that's best avoided at all costs. Save your money and buy a Fabia instead. They're better looking, more practical, better to drive, fantastic value and far more reliable. Ironically, the only current "Volks Wagen" in the Volkswagen Group's lineup is made not by VW themselves, but by Skoda.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Room 101
Having recently watched a very amusing episode of Room 101 with guest Dara O' Briain, I thought it would be an idea to do my very own Room 101. Which got me thinking what do I hate? What things do I hate more than others? And which can I give a more reasoned argument for throwing the damn things into Room 101?
My biggest bugbear is reality television, which ironically, doesn't have a lot of reality in it, nor is it worth putting on television. The main culprit being Big Brother, which thankfully now is coming to an end, but that kick started the whole "genre" if you like. I do not want to sit in a room watching people sitting in a room. Nor do I want to see them doing stupid tasks, nor do I want to see Z-list "celebrities" trying to make a comeback because they've not got any talent to do it off their own back, or politicians rolling around pretending they're a fucking animal. We have Sky News to report that. And with that you can take back your Simon Cowells and Davina McCalls. Give them some place to go, like, ooooh, I don't know, Room 101. My own choice but I'd put the Z Factor and Britain's Not Got Talent or whatever it's called in there as well.
Carrying on from the Television theme would be Music Television. Some of the music they play is, fair enough, pretty good, some of it pretty average and some shockingly bad. MTV started out as Music Television - that's what it stood for. Now all MTV seem to show is some nasty little documentaries about spoilt little brattish 15 year old American (and now, Dear God, British) kids wanting this, that and the other for their 16th birthday. Get over yourselves and accept the wrist watch and DVD that you don't even deserve. And then there's more "documentaries" about spoilt, brattish, supposedly grown-up American adults. Which are worse than the 15 year olds! I would love to banish all these programmes to 101. But also the channels themselves. My music collection itself I think is pretty eclectic with such findings as Beethoven, Debussy, The Beatles, Iron Maiden, Gustav Holst, Lady GaGa, The Offspring, The Prodigy, The Lightning Seeds, Crowded House, ELO, Sophie Ellis Bextor, AC/DC, Queen, Goldfrapp, Black Sabbath, Volbeat, Cat Stevens, Fleet Foxes, Beach Boys, I could go on. But I listen to all of it. I'm quite happy to see what videos are out at the moment. But I don't need to see the same limited play list on six different channels at nearly all the same bloody time. Can't we just have one channel that plays all the new stuff and one that plays all the old stuff? If not, send the whole bloody lot to Room 101 and have done with it. And definitely get rid of Kerrang as they've forgotten what good rock music is. Kerrang will, before long, go to the nearest corner and start crying if it's not careful.
My next submission would be texting language which I find, well, unfathomable. And people that say LOL rather than laughing. That's just plain wrong. Or Stupid. Or both. You decide, send your answers on a Adidas hoodie. Lol really should stand for Look Out! Looney! However, I digress as usual. I can understand the use of texting and shortening words as each text message costs you money and can run into 2 or 3 texts if you use the Queen's English. However, there is no excuse when you are typing your status in Facebook or e-mailing. E-mails are free and limitless. Fcebk stats updts wn typd lk tis iz jst stpid n svs abt 2 lttrs pr wrd (in English that reads Facebook status updates when typed like this are just stupid and saves about 2 letters per word) so it is not really worth it. And as I demonstrated to myself, it takes more effort to type in text speak or "chav" than it does to type the correct words. Moving on to the whole "LOL" (my personal favourite is a parody which does make me laugh courtesy of Bill Bailey - ROTFLMAOYSTT, which is Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Yet Still Typing This). What is the point of putting LOL on the end of a sentence that does not require it. I shall give you an example:
"I woke up, went to the local grocers and purchased some food. Chuckled to oneself en route to the local grocers." which would be translated into:
"Wk up wnt 2 shp n bt sm fod lol!"
Now the problem with both of those statements is neither task is chuckle-worthy or indeed LOL-worthy. Now, perhaps if you were to throw in a random slant, for example:
"I woke up with a flash of inspiration, thought I'd dash along on a flying cloud of sarcasm to the local grocers and purchase some ill-tempered mutated seabass in which to kill next doors pet earwig."
Only then with some off the wall, random spin thrown in is it even remotely chuckle worthy. And even then it is only for other people to decide whether it is funny. Not You!
Among one of my pet peeves and one I would certainly have great pleasure in banishing to Room 101 is lateness and waiting around. It drives me absolutely insane when people are late for something and can't keep time and I have to wait. It may be a minor thing but it is infuriating. Sadly, though, I am never likely to banish this particular peeve as I am married to Jayne Renowden. She was late at birth and has been late ever since. She who works on Mediterranean (whenever, so as long as it is after Siesta) and Cornish (dreckly my 'ansum) time combined. To get ready takes her 5 to 10 working days. Bless. Anyway, this won't go into Room 101 so moving on.
Next on the hit list is the good old Toyota Prius. I have written so much about this car already, and with a restraining order from the CEO of Toyota, this means I will not say any more on the subject. But it is going in Room 101 - absolute end of.
Which neatly brings me onto Bono. How apt. And other celebrities that try to do good by getting mere mortals like you or I to dip into our pockets to Save The [Insert Trendy Charity Cause Here] rather than dipping into their pockets themselves. But mainly Bono because he's a loud mouthed, obnoxious twat. And If I can add Bob "Give Us Yer Feckin' Money" Geldof, Phil "Every other artist is crap and I'm a genius" Collins, the bloke from The Police - wotsisname - you know - String and finally Kanye "I can barely rap and really can't sing so I'll use Autotune" West. Please throw them all in Room 101.
Which again brings us onto something else - Autotune. The thing that disguises your voice and is also used to correct the pitch when you hit a bum note. I quite like it at times if it's deliberate. For example I do every now and then like to listen to the Electric Light Orchestra. Or to those not on the moon, ELO. Jeff Lynne made quite a fair amount of usage of a Vocoder as it was known. Deliberatley. What I can't stand is when acts use it live to cover up below-par vocals, which annoys the hell out of me. I'd rather hear a bum note or two than pitch perfect sounds just like the record vocal perfection. That way it's live, and if I did want the pitch perfect sounds like the record vocal perfection, I'd save myself the money on a concert ticket and just play the album. And also when rappers use it on every single song to cover up the fact that they can't sing. Get the hint mofos, stop singing, stop using Autotune and keep on rapping. But preferably to people other than me. At the expense of my ELO CDs, to Room 101 please.
N-Dubz. Need I say anymore?
Ignorant people. When I say hello to you, I expect at least a response back. If I hold the door open for you, a "thank you" would be nice. If not, then I just hope the next person will just slam the door shut in your face. Preferably when it's monsoon season when you are carrying sixty eight carrier bags full of various commodities you've just purchased.
For now that will do. No doubt there will be Volume 2.
My biggest bugbear is reality television, which ironically, doesn't have a lot of reality in it, nor is it worth putting on television. The main culprit being Big Brother, which thankfully now is coming to an end, but that kick started the whole "genre" if you like. I do not want to sit in a room watching people sitting in a room. Nor do I want to see them doing stupid tasks, nor do I want to see Z-list "celebrities" trying to make a comeback because they've not got any talent to do it off their own back, or politicians rolling around pretending they're a fucking animal. We have Sky News to report that. And with that you can take back your Simon Cowells and Davina McCalls. Give them some place to go, like, ooooh, I don't know, Room 101. My own choice but I'd put the Z Factor and Britain's Not Got Talent or whatever it's called in there as well.
Carrying on from the Television theme would be Music Television. Some of the music they play is, fair enough, pretty good, some of it pretty average and some shockingly bad. MTV started out as Music Television - that's what it stood for. Now all MTV seem to show is some nasty little documentaries about spoilt little brattish 15 year old American (and now, Dear God, British) kids wanting this, that and the other for their 16th birthday. Get over yourselves and accept the wrist watch and DVD that you don't even deserve. And then there's more "documentaries" about spoilt, brattish, supposedly grown-up American adults. Which are worse than the 15 year olds! I would love to banish all these programmes to 101. But also the channels themselves. My music collection itself I think is pretty eclectic with such findings as Beethoven, Debussy, The Beatles, Iron Maiden, Gustav Holst, Lady GaGa, The Offspring, The Prodigy, The Lightning Seeds, Crowded House, ELO, Sophie Ellis Bextor, AC/DC, Queen, Goldfrapp, Black Sabbath, Volbeat, Cat Stevens, Fleet Foxes, Beach Boys, I could go on. But I listen to all of it. I'm quite happy to see what videos are out at the moment. But I don't need to see the same limited play list on six different channels at nearly all the same bloody time. Can't we just have one channel that plays all the new stuff and one that plays all the old stuff? If not, send the whole bloody lot to Room 101 and have done with it. And definitely get rid of Kerrang as they've forgotten what good rock music is. Kerrang will, before long, go to the nearest corner and start crying if it's not careful.
My next submission would be texting language which I find, well, unfathomable. And people that say LOL rather than laughing. That's just plain wrong. Or Stupid. Or both. You decide, send your answers on a Adidas hoodie. Lol really should stand for Look Out! Looney! However, I digress as usual. I can understand the use of texting and shortening words as each text message costs you money and can run into 2 or 3 texts if you use the Queen's English. However, there is no excuse when you are typing your status in Facebook or e-mailing. E-mails are free and limitless. Fcebk stats updts wn typd lk tis iz jst stpid n svs abt 2 lttrs pr wrd (in English that reads Facebook status updates when typed like this are just stupid and saves about 2 letters per word) so it is not really worth it. And as I demonstrated to myself, it takes more effort to type in text speak or "chav" than it does to type the correct words. Moving on to the whole "LOL" (my personal favourite is a parody which does make me laugh courtesy of Bill Bailey - ROTFLMAOYSTT, which is Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Yet Still Typing This). What is the point of putting LOL on the end of a sentence that does not require it. I shall give you an example:
"I woke up, went to the local grocers and purchased some food. Chuckled to oneself en route to the local grocers." which would be translated into:
"Wk up wnt 2 shp n bt sm fod lol!"
Now the problem with both of those statements is neither task is chuckle-worthy or indeed LOL-worthy. Now, perhaps if you were to throw in a random slant, for example:
"I woke up with a flash of inspiration, thought I'd dash along on a flying cloud of sarcasm to the local grocers and purchase some ill-tempered mutated seabass in which to kill next doors pet earwig."
Only then with some off the wall, random spin thrown in is it even remotely chuckle worthy. And even then it is only for other people to decide whether it is funny. Not You!
Among one of my pet peeves and one I would certainly have great pleasure in banishing to Room 101 is lateness and waiting around. It drives me absolutely insane when people are late for something and can't keep time and I have to wait. It may be a minor thing but it is infuriating. Sadly, though, I am never likely to banish this particular peeve as I am married to Jayne Renowden. She was late at birth and has been late ever since. She who works on Mediterranean (whenever, so as long as it is after Siesta) and Cornish (dreckly my 'ansum) time combined. To get ready takes her 5 to 10 working days. Bless. Anyway, this won't go into Room 101 so moving on.
Next on the hit list is the good old Toyota Prius. I have written so much about this car already, and with a restraining order from the CEO of Toyota, this means I will not say any more on the subject. But it is going in Room 101 - absolute end of.
Which neatly brings me onto Bono. How apt. And other celebrities that try to do good by getting mere mortals like you or I to dip into our pockets to Save The [Insert Trendy Charity Cause Here] rather than dipping into their pockets themselves. But mainly Bono because he's a loud mouthed, obnoxious twat. And If I can add Bob "Give Us Yer Feckin' Money" Geldof, Phil "Every other artist is crap and I'm a genius" Collins, the bloke from The Police - wotsisname - you know - String and finally Kanye "I can barely rap and really can't sing so I'll use Autotune" West. Please throw them all in Room 101.
Which again brings us onto something else - Autotune. The thing that disguises your voice and is also used to correct the pitch when you hit a bum note. I quite like it at times if it's deliberate. For example I do every now and then like to listen to the Electric Light Orchestra. Or to those not on the moon, ELO. Jeff Lynne made quite a fair amount of usage of a Vocoder as it was known. Deliberatley. What I can't stand is when acts use it live to cover up below-par vocals, which annoys the hell out of me. I'd rather hear a bum note or two than pitch perfect sounds just like the record vocal perfection. That way it's live, and if I did want the pitch perfect sounds like the record vocal perfection, I'd save myself the money on a concert ticket and just play the album. And also when rappers use it on every single song to cover up the fact that they can't sing. Get the hint mofos, stop singing, stop using Autotune and keep on rapping. But preferably to people other than me. At the expense of my ELO CDs, to Room 101 please.
N-Dubz. Need I say anymore?
Ignorant people. When I say hello to you, I expect at least a response back. If I hold the door open for you, a "thank you" would be nice. If not, then I just hope the next person will just slam the door shut in your face. Preferably when it's monsoon season when you are carrying sixty eight carrier bags full of various commodities you've just purchased.
For now that will do. No doubt there will be Volume 2.
Sunday, 4 July 2010
useless blah blah celebrity blah blah joins blah blah blah Range Rover blah bla... WHAT??????
Right, so straight in at the deep end. Victoria Beckham (yes, two words I'd never EVER thought I'd type, write or even want to strain myself to speak) has been given a job at Range Rover. For an undisclosed sum (read she will earn more in a week than you or I will earn in two years no doubt) she has become a "Design Consultant".
Firstly, I would like to know what on God's Earth is she actually going to "consult". Damn, balls, I promised myself I wouldn't use quotation marks this time. Buggered that up already there! Anyhoo, the "woman" has decreed that she knows absolutely diddly squat about motor vehicles, and hasn't a clue as to where to start in her new given job role. Now, how she got the role in the first place is a totally uninteresting one. She was asked to drive the brand new Range Rover Evoque Sport Utility Off Road School Run I've Only Got One Kid But We Shall Take Them In This No Matter What Vehicle a few feet for its launch, but responded with the fact that she doesn't do such trivialities any more. So what have the mad bastards done? Because she won't drive the car a few feet, they've given someone with all the style and personality of a pencil sharpener the job of Design Consultant. So now she will drive the car a few feet.
I mean for what it's worth they could have got Elmer Fudd to move the bloody thing. Hell, I would have driven it on to the launch stage for nothing. Especially if it meant that Posh (my arse) Old Spice didn't get the job. However, if it were a Range Rover of old it would have needed a team of literally several people to push it on to the stage because the bunch of Brummies manufacturing it would probably have forgotten to connect something vital up and it wouldn't have started.
I'm just still a little bit in shock that someone so talentless has earned so much money for doing not a great deal - something which has been written into her new job at Range Rover no doubt - not a great deal. And it's not limited to Victoria Beckham either. There are so many "celebrities" (darn it) around now that I have absolutely no idea why they are indeed famous. True, some of them have tried singing, to not much avail. Some have even had a stab at acting. Again, not with particularly convincing results. Others are famous for no other reason than being, well, famous. It's that I despise. Well, actually the whole celebrity culture thing I'm no big fan of, but being famous with no talent whatsoever (yes, that means you Victoria Beckham) irritates me more than something that irritates me a great deal.
So, what are we to expect from the next Range Rover? I can see the next phase of development now. A thumping V8 motor, excellent off road ability, unrivalled thirst for petrol, oh and purple silk seats with yellow embellishments and swarovski crystals in the display panel. But will it be limited to Range Rover's parent company Land Rover? Will Fiat take on Rod Hull and Emu to take the helm of Ferrari's engineering and development department? Although, news just in, I have been reliably informed Rod Hull and Emu are currently in charge of Royal Mail and is set to stay there for the haul. So, it looks like the job will go to the second choice Paris Hilton.
So, can we leave the car design to the, erm, proper car designers, and leave Victoria Beckham to do whatever it is she does. Can someone remind me what it is she does? Please? I'm struggling here....seriously, what does she do? And an open plea to management of modern companies - celebrity endorsements are worthless. As are hiring "celebrities" (bollocks, done it again) to do a job that they've really got no idea about. Yes, Land Rover, I'm talking to YOU!
Firstly, I would like to know what on God's Earth is she actually going to "consult". Damn, balls, I promised myself I wouldn't use quotation marks this time. Buggered that up already there! Anyhoo, the "woman" has decreed that she knows absolutely diddly squat about motor vehicles, and hasn't a clue as to where to start in her new given job role. Now, how she got the role in the first place is a totally uninteresting one. She was asked to drive the brand new Range Rover Evoque Sport Utility Off Road School Run I've Only Got One Kid But We Shall Take Them In This No Matter What Vehicle a few feet for its launch, but responded with the fact that she doesn't do such trivialities any more. So what have the mad bastards done? Because she won't drive the car a few feet, they've given someone with all the style and personality of a pencil sharpener the job of Design Consultant. So now she will drive the car a few feet.
I mean for what it's worth they could have got Elmer Fudd to move the bloody thing. Hell, I would have driven it on to the launch stage for nothing. Especially if it meant that Posh (my arse) Old Spice didn't get the job. However, if it were a Range Rover of old it would have needed a team of literally several people to push it on to the stage because the bunch of Brummies manufacturing it would probably have forgotten to connect something vital up and it wouldn't have started.
I'm just still a little bit in shock that someone so talentless has earned so much money for doing not a great deal - something which has been written into her new job at Range Rover no doubt - not a great deal. And it's not limited to Victoria Beckham either. There are so many "celebrities" (darn it) around now that I have absolutely no idea why they are indeed famous. True, some of them have tried singing, to not much avail. Some have even had a stab at acting. Again, not with particularly convincing results. Others are famous for no other reason than being, well, famous. It's that I despise. Well, actually the whole celebrity culture thing I'm no big fan of, but being famous with no talent whatsoever (yes, that means you Victoria Beckham) irritates me more than something that irritates me a great deal.
So, what are we to expect from the next Range Rover? I can see the next phase of development now. A thumping V8 motor, excellent off road ability, unrivalled thirst for petrol, oh and purple silk seats with yellow embellishments and swarovski crystals in the display panel. But will it be limited to Range Rover's parent company Land Rover? Will Fiat take on Rod Hull and Emu to take the helm of Ferrari's engineering and development department? Although, news just in, I have been reliably informed Rod Hull and Emu are currently in charge of Royal Mail and is set to stay there for the haul. So, it looks like the job will go to the second choice Paris Hilton.
So, can we leave the car design to the, erm, proper car designers, and leave Victoria Beckham to do whatever it is she does. Can someone remind me what it is she does? Please? I'm struggling here....seriously, what does she do? And an open plea to management of modern companies - celebrity endorsements are worthless. As are hiring "celebrities" (bollocks, done it again) to do a job that they've really got no idea about. Yes, Land Rover, I'm talking to YOU!
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