... falling over on my arse like a complete and utter loon. This episode provides a totally uninteresting insight into "A week in the life of Paul Renowden". I reserve the right to make you fall asleep at any point within this zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................
The week just passed was supposed to be my last week at work before starting a week off for annual leave. 'Twas supposed to be a nice, slow-down week (like there's anything fast paced in my job) with a week of looking forward to seeing Volbeat in concert with a mate, my wife seeing a show with her mate and decorating. Nothing out of the ordinary.
So, naturally things went smoothly then? Hahahahahaha, I think not. Sunday, get out to the Fiat only to find it won't turn over and find that the battery is flatter than a witch's tit. So, out with the jump pack, jump start the car and off we go. Of course, no where is open to buy a battery, except for Halfrauds. By and large I do not particularly like Halfords, but I must admit having a trade discount card for there is bloody useful and ensured a whopping discount.
Later on that evening I receive an e-mail from the Thelka at Bristol (the venue for Volbeat) only to be told that the gig had been cancelled due to Volbeat front man Michael Poulson falling ill and having to stay under supervision of his doctors. Bummer, although, however, his health is paramount and I wish him a speedy recovery.
Then on Monday the snow, ice and other various weather ailments hit Cornwall, to which the local radio stations started panicking the locals with the news of "arctic conditions". It pretty much brought Cornwall to a standstill but also brought out every wanker on the road who cannot drive. This makes work absolutely dead as most of the work booked in were cancelled due to the aforementioned "arctic conditions". Wednesday, whilst putting the rubbish out I provided some light entertainment and amusement for the neighbours and nearby wildlife by going skyward and landing back down to terrafirma on my coccyx. Typically, due to the weather conditions the refuse collectors failed to pick up the rubbish for a further two days, which really fucked me off.
Wednesday, as well, also saw my boss sign off someone else's holiday for the following Wednesday, knowing full well there would be no staff to cover him and that my cover for the week had to go to a funeral on this particular day. The funeral can't be helped and my condolences are with the guy, and really the other chap who has been signed off has to take his missus to hospital. But the lack of any kind of management there has failed to arrange any kind of cover which means I now have to go in on my day off. Argh! Oh well...
There was a blip on Thursday - nothing went wrong. Reasonable day at work, and the usual visitation to our friends that evening for food, general laughs, puns and reminiscing old vintage cartoon themes was a resounding success as it normally is.
Friday, had to take the Vauxhall to work to get that MOT'd because we both realised the MOT ran out two days earlier. It passed the MOT with flying colours, but really it should have done anyway as it's just had a new driveshaft joint, driveshaft boot, new tyres all round, service and front brake pads. However, on Saturday proceeded to throw its toys out of the pram by snapping its handbrake cable. Or doing something to its handbrake anyway.
Saturday also saw me creating the death warrant for my local postman, who is an utter anus biscuit. Previously he has delivered mail and left it hanging out the wrong side of the letterbox. He has "delivered" parcels. When I say deliver the parcels, I obviously mean leaves the parcels at the sorting office and just pop the infamous red slip through the door. I've actually witnessed what he does, he just posts the slip through the door without bothering to knock and walks off. I've seen his delivery bag from my living room window (which is situated above the front door so I can see EVERYTHING!) minus the parcels! However, this weekend he delivered the parcels! But not in the usual fashion which would be knocking at the door and waiting for me to answer. No, instead he saw fit to let himself in, THEN knock and drop the parcels down to the floor! The poor woman at our local sorting office had probably lost the will to live after I finished on the phone, but a formal complaint was in order.
Now as I'm sure you're aware, my eye sight is close to useless. I'm short sighted and have astigmatism in my left eye, so I have to wear glasses pretty much all the time. But as everything seemed to happen on Saturday, that was the day my glasses decided to make a spectacle of themselves and fall to pieces. True, it wasn't their fault, they were framed. But the whole scenario was a bit transparent and clear to see.
Did anything else happen on Saturday? Oh yes, the TV cabinet we both like and wanted won't be in stock. Indefinitely. And because we were waiting for parcels to be delivered (or rather thrown) and were due to be going out later that day (and we were feeling lazy) we ordered our weekly grocery shopping online the night before. And it turned up late. By 45 minutes.
So, in all, a brilliant round-up to start me holiday. So what will I be doing on my first day of leave? Taking the wife's car to WORK to be bloody fixed. Again. The third day of my holiday will involve me going to WORK to actually work. Yay! Still, as a Supporting Adult (the far superior and far less hypocritical version of a Godparent) I get to babysit my non-God-quite-possibly-atheist-son for a couple of hours on Wednesday and hopefully listen to lots of Volbeat whilst putting the world to rights whilst 'Er Indoors and her friend go to a show. And I am looking forward to decorating!