£26,000 for a Toyota Prius?

Upon reading a notable motoring publication, it has been brought to my attention that the Toyota Bono has been with us for ten guilt-ridden years. There is a new Prius 10th Anniversary editon to "celebrate" the fact. Joy of joys it is based on the top of the range T-Spirit model. The special edition of this hybrid that is noted for its efficiency is equipped with body kit front and rear, sports wheels, side skirts and spoilers galore. Which means adding weight. Which means decreased efficiency. What price to pay for all this? £26,150! Yes, that's twenty six grand for a blasted Prius!!! Get the fuck out of here, as Axl Foley would say.

The new Toyota Prius 10th Anniversary Guilt Edition

Apparently, the impressive claimed 70mpg remains the same and the equally impressive 92g/km emissions remain the same. However, the claimed MPG is very rarely obtained as pointed out in another acclaimed motoring publication. A roadtest between some standard economy cars (Fiat Panda, Citroen C1 and the Mini Diesel) and the Prius drew some very notable conclusions. Well, in the overall verdict the Prius finished fifth. Out of sixth. And the economy? The Panda, C1 and the Mini whipped the Prius' arse good and proper. So, twenty six grand for a car that is the supposed epitome of economy and efficiency beaten by three cars, the cheapest of which costs a full £20,000 less than the Prius. If you want to do your bit for the environment, there are better ways out there. Buy one of the economy cars.

If you want something bigger, for five grand less you can have an Alfa Romeo Giulietta 2.0 JTD. It produces 170bhp, drives fantastically, looks great and more importantly it can nearly match the Prius for emissions and fuel economy. Its emissions are that low, you don't pay road tax and it only looses out on about 4mpg compared with the Prius. Also people won't think you're a preachy, hypocritical, guilt-ridden wanker for driving one. They may, however, think you're good friends with the AA. Having said that, Toyota have recalled a further million vehicles in their luxury Lexus range of cars (which also include bloody hybrids) for more problems with the brakes. Toyota wants to ensure that fluid does not leak from the brake master cylinder, causing the warning light to turn on. The fault could cause the brake pedal to feel spongy, and braking performance to "gradually decline". In other words, when you've crashed into the car in front.

Giulietta... Or Prius... Giulietta or Prius... It's a tough one. Alfa methinks.

As I've said before in a previous blog issue, hybrids are nonsense. They are not a long term fix, and how can it be more ecologically friendly if all the initial manufacturing is done on both sides of the world for one car and transported by machines that use fossil fuels.

As well as the aforementioned Panda, C1, Mini and Alfa Giulietta, here are some more Prius alternatives that won't make you into a Bono or Chris Martin if you own one.


Volvo C30 1.6 Drive S - Will beat the Prius' economy with a claimed 75mpg and impressive 99g/km and nil road tax. Quite a funky looking motor too.
Ford Fiesta 1.6 TDCi DPF ECOnetic - 99g/km and 76.3mpg. Looks great and drives well too. No road tax
Fiat Bravo 1.6 Multijet Dyanmic Eco - Looks fantastic, drives well, a little bit higher at 119g/km and means £30 a year road tax but it's the same size as a Prius and HALF the price!!
Volkswagen Polo Bluemotion - Again, 99g/km and economy that makes a tight Cornishman generous.

Please Toyota, stop it now so I don't have to waste everyones time by writing another rant.

Part 2 of my fantasy garage of cars that no one likes

Fiat Coupe 2.0 20v Turbo.

Launched in 1993, initially with Lancia Intergrale engines, later updated to sweet five cylinder 2.0 engines. 220bhp through the front wheels meant lots of torque steer, but when the turbo kicked in it would go all the way to 158mph. Why do I want one? It's the fastest I've ever driven a car, 150mph on a private road of course, and I love the styling - by Chris Bangle before he went all twattish at BMW. It was a hoot to drive too.

 Fiat-Abarth Strada 130TC

Everyone else in the 80's made their hot hatches with fuel injection. Not Fiat - two big burbling carbs and it was so focused on being a drivers car that you couldn't tilt the front seats forward to get passengers in the back. And it fell apart quickly and would never start. Perfect.

Fiat 131 Mirafiori Abarth


In fact, I'd even settle for one of the normal 131 Mirafioris, but the Abarth as pictured here went on to be a particularly successful rally car. It took the baton from the Lancia Stratos as the Fiat Group's secret weapon in rallying. I had a Matchbox toy in the Alitalia colour scheme (google it) and wanted a real one ever since. Sad but true.
 

Alfa Romeo GTV
 
I could wax lyrical about these. In fact I'm going to. I mean, just look at it. It's a delight. I'd have one purely for the way it looks. It drives wonderfully, it handles well, and either engine is a peach. When they're working. The V6 is pretty strong if maintained and is the best sounding V6 in the business. The Twin Spark is a gem of an engine but neglect it and it will self destruct very, very quickly. That's if the electrics have allowed it to get going in the first place. Ultimately owning a GTV is like being with the most beautiful woman in the world and finding she's brilliant at everything - cooking, washing, sex, the whole nine yards, but then finding she had a nasty habit of stabbing you in the head every night. But you still would...

Rover SD1

A badly-built British car with a front end ripped off the Ferrari Daytona? Yes please. Especially with the fantastic 3.5 litre V8 lump under the bonnet. Never actually driven or been in one, I've just always wanted an SD1 3500.

Ford Capri 280 Brooklands

Again, featured in The Professionals and driven by Bodie (played by Lewis Collins). Well, to be pedantic, the 3.0 V6 was featured in The Professionals. I would really like one of the last of the line 280 Brooklands - has the best engine, and looks absolutely brilliant.

Mini Clubman

No, not the monstrosity just launched by BMW, but the original Clubman. The supposed ugly Mini and unfairly called Mini Clubfoot. But I actually like these. I'm not bothered by all these Mini Cooper derivatives, just give me a basic Mini with a basic engine and it'll still be fun to drive.

Land Rover Series 3

Well, any beaten up Land Rover really. For pure simplicity really. An old tatty one will do quite nicely, so I can do what it's intended for, just like in the picture. For that purpose alone there's no point at all getting a decent one.

That's it for part two. These first two parts feature cars really that are not out of the reach most people. In fact most of them can be had for as little as few hundred quid. There will be a third and final volume of this to bore you to tears. This will feature my top 10 favourite motors from any age and any price bracket which need a place in this fantasy garage thing.

Part One of my Fantasy Garage of cars no one likes

Every man that likes cars has a fantasy garage, or at least makes a list of what they would like to own should the opportunity (and money) present itself. True to form, I created a Facebook photo album depicting what I would like to have in my fantasy garage and predictably most of them are Italian. It's crammed full of Ferraris such as the 365 GTB/4, commonly known as the Daytona, the Dino 246 GT, the 599 GTO, F40 and a brace of Alfa Romeos, Lancias and a couple of Fiats and Abarths.

I've made it no secret that I like cars no one else likes. Or what other people would class as crap cars. So, this is part 1 of my guilty pleasure fantasy garage. No specific reasons as to why they are in here except that I like them.

So what car are we going to have lining up first?

The humble Fiat Panda 4x4. Why?

It was cheap, and certainly felt cheap, but was an endearing little car. A capable off-roader, this mountain goat of a car got where most couldn't.

The Citroen Visa.

Not a brilliant all round car in the same way that say, a Peugeot 205 was. But I liked these because they were quirky, fun to drive and in the pre-1984 models the interiors were typically bonkers Citroen before they went all serious and boring.

Citroen GS / GSA

What we have here is a proper Citroen. Hydropnematic suspension and flawed in its extreme. Underpowered, slow, bonkers inside and nothing is where it's supposed to be. Satellite units to operate most important controls. Operate the horn and the heater came on, the indicators were operated by a switch under the seat somewhere and the wipers were operated by mind control. But the car came out in 1972 and looked like nothing else. I'd have one of these because I love the styling so much. And the suspension. And the mental interior.

Citroen AX GT

I've owned two basic 1.0 AXs and can tell you the pluses and minuses for owning them. The minuses far outweigh the pluses. For instance, it seems to be made out of recylced Milk Tray boxes, and if you crashed into a leaf it would write the damn thing off. But because they were so light and so chuckable, that made it excellent fun to drive. Even the 1.0 engines punched far above their weight, but the little 1360 GT was a true pocket rocket. Later AX's were boring, my choice is the Mk 1, with a few bonkers Citroen things like single spoke steering wheel and a dashboard made from tracing paper.

Peugeot 104

Or to be exact the 104 Z, which was a three door, short wheel based version. Provided basis for Talbot Samba and Citroen LNA (predecessor to the AX). Basically, another overlooked small French car that was a bit of a laugh. Not the prettiest car in the world but I like them all the same. Hang on, I'm noticing a pattern here. Small French cars seem to be recurring....

Renault 11

And another French car. Bit of a wolf in sheep's clothing this. My mates parents had one many moons ago, a 1700 GTX and I swear that car was the fastest thing on four wheels. I doubt a Veyron could have caught it. It also looked a whole lot better than the car on which it was based - the Renault 9. A car so boring you lost the will to live before you got to the back. But with quad headlights and a glass wraparound tailgate, quite a stylish car for the early 80s.
 

Fiat Uno

Ah, something Italian, back to normality then. My first car was a Fiat Uno and my dad had one when I was a kid. Launched in 1983, it still remains in production in India and Brazil. It was a cracking, if somewhat fragile, little motor. Lively performance, brilliant interior space and best in Mark 1 form where it had a Citroenesque interior with satellite pods for lights and wiper controls. It was also a bit Citroenesque when it was wet as a push start was sometimes required.

Alfa Romeo Alfasud Sprint

I'd love an ordinary cooking 'Sud, but there's something about the shape of the Sprint coupe version. Neat, uncluttered shape by Giugaro, neat handling and a sweet, free-revving flat four engine.

But the main reason I want one? My first ever toy car was a Alfasud Sprint. And now I want a real one.

Lancia Beta HPE

Only the Italians would attempt to make an estate car (HPE means High Performance Estate) where you can't fit much in it. Still, it looked more like a coupe. Of course, being Italian and from the 70's it earned a reputation for being rusty, and the Beta saloon was the car that pretty much killed Lancia in the UK

Talbot Sunbeam Lotus

Take a Hillman Avenger, wrap the oily bits in a neat hatchback body. Bring to the boil with some with the Lotus tuned handling and simmer with the Lotus 2.1 slant four 16 valve engine. Garnished with rear wheel drive and you have a capable rally car and a brute of a road car.


Ford Escort RS2000

The Professionals is one of my favourite TV shows and the character Ray Doyle (played by Martin Shaw) drove a white RS2000, drifting and handbrake turning it everywhere. I wanted one because of that. Then I saw some of these taking part in motor sport events and wanted one even more. Looks ace with the so-called droopsnout front.

Ford Fiesta Mark 1 XR2

Has to be the Mark 1. It wasn't very fast and wasn't as good as the Mark 2, but this one looked the business with the circular headlights, the spotlights and the pepperpot alloys. The Mark 2 just looked shite.


Stay tuned for part two if you are nerdy enough like me. Though if you got this far you must be.

Road Test Number 2 - The complete Alfa Mito Range

The Alfa Romeo Mito. It's pronounced Me Toe, don't you know. The name is conjured up between two place names - the Mi for Milan (used to be Alfa's HQ) and To for Torino (where it's built). Since its launch around 18 months ago, I've driven just about all different variations of Mito, some are good, two are excellent and two are aboslutely terrible and would never advise ever driving.

So, what is the Mito? Well, obviously, it's a car. And it's built by Alfa Romeo, only it's not. The Mito is actually built by Fiat in Turin alongside the Grande Punto / Punto Evo as essentially it is the same car. Peel away the fancy bodywork and it's all Fiat. The chassis, engines, the lot.

So, what's available? In the current range there's 4 choices of petrol engine, all 1.4 - two of which are normally aspirated with 77bhp or 95bhp. The other two are the Fiat Group's new MultiAir efforts which develop 135bhp or 170bhp in Cloverleaf guise. There's also 2 diesels - a 1.3 and a 1.6.

I'm not really going to go into trim levels because I'm not interested in that, I want to know what it drives like. Is it any good? Where am I? And why am I asking questions all the time? Do you know?

It's a fine little car to drive really if you steer clear of the 78 Junior which is about as Alfa-like as a Ford Orion. I'd also steer clear of the 1.6 diesel because as a package, it fails spectacularly. The economy can be match by its petrol counterparts, it's a lot dearer, it isn't as good as the 1.3 diesel, it's noisy, unrefined and the gearchange is apalling.

All models save for Junior have Alfa's DNA (geddit?) system which offers three different styles of driving. D is for Dynamic, N for Normal and A for All Weather. When Dynamic is activated, assistance to the steering is reduced, torque is increased and the throttle response is much crisper and sweeter (In the Cloverleaf, it D mode also changes the suspension settings as it has an adaptive suspension setup). That said it needs to be because driving in Normal afterwards is dreadful. All Weather is pointless in the UK as the one week we have snow we're all locked away at home in a complete panic because the world is about to end. So, just keep it in D to get the best out of the little Alfa.

Throughout the Mito range including the hot Cloverleaf version the main problem is the ride and the steering. The steering has quite an artificial feel about it and feels over-assisted in Normal mode. It's better in Dynamic mode but there's a lot of fidget and a lot of over-correction is needed. The ride is something you need to get used to. If you want to end up with your spine in kit form, the Mito is the car for you. If you choose ride comfort over anything else, choose the Punto.

Once you get used to the steering, the chassis is very good. It corners flat, turns in well and is coupled to a selection of slick, nicely shifting 5 and 6 speed manual gearboxes (except for the 1600 diesel). All the petrol engines are eager little things. Of all I've driven, I take a preference to the lowly normally aspirated 1.4 as it's such an eager, rev-happy unit and, although not very quick or powerful (95bhp), it's entertaining to drive it to within an inch of its life. The rest are turbo charged and when Mito was first introduced, 120 and 155 bhp turbo petrols were available, both absolute peaches. However, these have both been replaced by the new range of Multiair engines, rated at 135bhp and 170bhp in the range topping Cloverleaf. Which is my other favourite engine in the range. I really can't be bothered to go into all the technical speak of the Multiair engine but in the 170 at least, it's smooth, responsive and almost free of turbo lag.

The interior is well laid out and seems solidly built and a good driving position is easily found. Bluetooth connectivity comes on top end models and an MP3 compatible stereo comes on all models. Air con is standard throughout the range as are electric windows and mirrors.

However, if I am nitpicking with the car, I'm still not quite used to the frontal styling. It also annoys me that the speedometer view is partially blocked by the steering wheel. Rear seat space is so much at a premium that really all you can fit there are guitar plectrums. And the boot has a high sill. However the way it drives, the engines and the way the side and back end look, it's a hit.

It will just be interesting to see what reliability and durability will be like.

So, what's on the old score board Miss Ford?

Styling: 15/20
Performance: 18/20
Handling 15/20
Ride: 9/20
Comfort: 13/20

So, the Alfa scores 70 out of 100. Better than the subject of my first written road test, the VW Beetle. True, the Mito has some shortcomings and flaws - it's steering is numb, the ride is hard, the 1.6 Diesel is rubbish, the front end styling is, in politeness, polarised, and the DNA is a gimmick. But it has other talents which are hard to ignore. It's also cheaper than a Fiesta.